I LOVE being a missionary but sometimes it's a struggle. I've never kicked myself so hard (mentally) and wanted to beat myself up so much. The pressure to be the "perfect" missionary (which doesn't exist) is unattainable and the harder you try the harder you are on yourself. There was a day this past week where I was writing in my journal, reflecting on the day, and just wanting to knock my head several times on the wall and cry. The frustration I felt in myself of even all the little things I've could've done or could've explained better really dug into myself deep. There's a lot of stress to following the high standards of being a missionary and getting done the things that need to be done or saying the right things. It's like trying to reach for the stars when you can't even touch the lowest branch of the tree! And you just kick yourself even harder for it! BUT here is what I'm learning... During personal studies I read "His Grace is Sufficient" by Brad Wilcox - please please please take some time to read this! As I read, I felt this incredible amount of love from the Savior. His LOVE is REAL!
"When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with progress in the right direction. Why is this perspective so easy to see in the context of learning piano but so hard to see in the context of learning heaven?
Too many are giving up on the Church because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short. They have tried in the past, but they always feel like they are just not good enough. They don’t understand grace.
"...When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13)." Again, the love I felt as I read and pondered helped strengthened my testimony that His Grace is real. And every aspect of this gospel is true!
We had incredible experiences this past week! First, we got a brand new car - it still smells like new car! We also met and had incredible lessons with so many awesome people! There are so much potential! It's a struggle to keep up! There were a lot of tender mercies of showing up at the right place at the right time. Basically, now when I look back at the week I can see where Christ's Grace has been making up the difference. I'm so grateful for It and His love. I can say from the deepest part of my soul that His love is real and can be felt. Especially after praying (:
Thank you for your love and prayers! It means a ton (:
Remember Christ lives and He loves you!
I LOVE you!!
Ps. Here's a link to the talk: https://www.lds.org/youth/article/print?lang=eng&url=/youth/article/his-grace-is-sufficient
~Sister Warburton (:
Look at this cute mini burger!
Brand new shiny car!
FHE with these super cute girls!
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